The mommy break

At the advice of our family doctor, Adam stayed home with Ilya this afternoon while I took my “mommy break.”  This is an uninterrupted two hour break where I get to stop being just mommy and focus on reconnecting with who I am.  I failed.  The first hour went great.  I went to the library and got a book then took off to a coffee shop to read and people watch.  After about an hour, though, I missed Adam and Ilya so much I came home.  Maybe I’ll do better next time.  I think that it was good for Adam, too.  He got to spend time alone with Ilya.

We are trying to get Ilya on some sort of a schedule (also a recommendation of our doctor).  Last night, we began a bedtime routine and today we have planned nap times.  Even planning this, I was thinking there was no way an infant was going to fit into any schedule that I had planned for her, but I was so wrong.  After our bedtime routine last night, she slept 5 hours and she didn’t even kick me once during that time.  We got up at 8 and she has been so cooperative in napping when we want her to all day.  She is clearly gifted.  It probably helped that we made our schedule based on her sleepy times.

Social Skills

No one told me that having a baby drastically diminishes your social skills.  Maybe this is a phenomenon that doesn’t happen to everyone.  Maybe my social skills already sucked.  Whatever the pre-existing conditions, I find it incredibly difficult to carry on a conversation that doesn’t revolve around my baby.  Believe me, I can see why this would be boring for most people, and I pity the folks that get stuck talking to me a parties, but I’m also amazed how the combination of baby focus 24/7 and sleep deprivation really turn me into a social blob.

We went to three BBQ’s this weekend - I was able to carry on fun conversation at one of them - it was the baby class reunion BBQ!  Has my life been reduced to a series of awkward conversations where people politely inch away from me and run for the hills?  Oh well…just another thing I can add to my list of things I did before having baby that I can no longer do.

sleep

Why is it that I can get so little sleep yet be completely unable to fall asleep when I need to?  Ilya has decided that the best place to sleep is right next to mommy.  Now, this would be fine except that she squirms like a caterpillar trying to emerge from a cocoon - which means that she sleeps just fine and I don’t sleep at all.

I’ve been tutoring everyday.  Its nice.  The mother takes Ilya on a walk while I work with her daughter.  Its so wonderful to get to use my brain for something other than mommying and I know that Ilya loves the walking.  Ilya is now an expert at following objects with her eyes.  My dad was holding her up today while she focused on this star light that she loves.  He was rotating her body, but she kept her head fixated.  He said that this is a sign of excellent control and that she is advanced (although, I think that he might be biased just like me).  Ilya is also an expert at holding her head up.

We go walking everyday.  It’s her favorite activity aside from pooping and nursing.  When we get outside she pushes her head back, closes her eyes and holds her face to the sun.  Its the most beautiful and serene thing that I have ever seen.  I love her in places inside myself that I didn’t even know existed.  I know that it is silly, but I worry obsessively about SIDS.  I constantly find myself placing my hand on her stomach just to make sure that she is breathing.  I have never felt so venerable and helpless in my entire life.  I keep thinking, please, please, please, just let her live longer than me.  I don’t think I could take it if anything happened to her.

smiles

Its a good thing I have such a charming baby - otherwise the persistent shout-outs every half an hour last night might have gotten old.  Ilya looks so incredibly cute today in her little yellow dress and hair that sticks straight up.  She has discovered that her legs have a tremendous amount of power and is able to move herself up my body at night by kicking off of my stomach.  Its so much fun and oh so painful for my incision.

new milestones

This week is national Ilya tracking things with her eyes week.  This is a major milestone and proves that she is clearly brilliant.  On an unrelated note, this is also national throw up week.

Ilya’s sleep cycle:

8pm-12am = sleep

12am - quietly stir, get fed, then quickly fall back asleep

12:15am-2:15am = sleep

2:15am - quietly stir, get changed, get fed, wake up and refuse to go back to sleep for three hours unless mommy (and only mommy) feeds me and comforts me.  Then wake up as soon as she puts me down.

5am - sleep as long as I am touching either mommy or daddy

6am - wake up for light feeding and again refuse to go to sleep unless touching either parent

7am - repeat

8am - repeat

When Ilya is done nursing and she is tired, she will quietly remove her head from my nipple and rest it on my boob then sling her hand across my chest.  Its so beautiful it kills me.

More sleep loss

I think that sleep deprivation is really beginning to affect Adam and I in subtle and not so subtle ways.  For example, Ilya had the strangest poop the other day (yes, I have become one of those mothers that can talk endlessly about her daughter’s poop).  It was crystallized.  Adam was changing her and rather than think “oh weird, Ilya has a strange poop” he actually asks me if I salted the baby’s butt.  Why yes, I find that a little salt goes a long way to those custard poop delights.  OK, that was a little gross - but hey I haven’t slept more than three hours in a row in weeks.

We have our one month appointment with Dr. Christina today.  I swear, Ilya has gained about 10 pounds since the last time we saw her.  My back is still sore from carrying her around all day yesterday.  Anna and I are going to have a picnic in the park and walk around Greenlake before the appointment.  You might have realized that I am doing a lot of walking.  This is because I have realized that Ilya is either perfectly happy when I am walking with her in front of me or she is sleeping.  Either way its great.  I have never been so motivated to exercise.

Worries

I have become one of those mothers that I always made fun of.  I worry about everything - bugs in the grass, is she too hot, too cold, are those bumps normal…I worry because this is the first time that I have ever felt so venerable.  If anything happed to Ilya, I don’t know what I would do.

She is officially 4 weeks old now and just about as perfect as she can be.  Her aunt Anna is visiting this week and we are figuring out how to function without grandmother Susie here.  We managed to cook dinner last night. Little steps.

We went out with Vanessa and Manny today.  Ilya was a perfect angel as usual.  She slept the entire time and then proceeded to sleep through our after lunch walk.  Did I luck out in the kid department or what

What would we do without grandmothers

Its been a busy week and I am fully ready to admit that I never could have done any of this on my own.  I’ve had my mother, Susie, living with me for the last three weeks and I have never been so grateful for anyone in my life.  She cooks for us, cleans for us, and holds Illy when I need to do things like shower and eat.  It almost seams easy when you have this kind of support.  I’m beginning to understand why different cultures make it such a priority for many generations to live together.  Raising a child requires more than two people.  I have also had support from the other grandmothers.  Its amazing how difficult things like cooking become when you have a fussy baby who is only happy if you are constantly rocking her (with both hands).  Susie is leaving on Monday morning and I’ll admit that I am freaking out a bit.  I don’t know how I am going to get everything done that needs to get done and take care of myself and Ilya.

I’ve been reading a blog written by a friend of a friend who just had twins!  Twins!  I can’t even begin to imagine how challenging this whole motherhood thing would be if I had TWO babies.  She gives me hope that if she can take care of two babies, I can certainly take care of one.  Its funny how people we’ve never met can change our outlook on the world.

At the recommendation of our doctor, Ilya had been taking warm baths almost every night to clear up some congestions that she is having.  She love the water.  Last night, Daddy held her head and let her float around the tub.  Every time she encountered the side of the tub, she would kick off it and smile as she was able to move her body around.  It was so much fun to watch.

Today we are off to the zoo.  Its still cloudy here in Seattle, but the weatherman promises that it will clear up and be sunny (I know, I’m trusting the weatherman).  While some might argue that it is pointless to take an infant to the zoo as she will most likely sleep though the entire experience, I like to believe that these experiences are permeating her deeper sub-conscious.  When she gets older, she will have fond associations with places like the zoo (and the Pacific Science Center which is her daddy’s favorite place to go).

out and about Seattle

I don’t know how mothers find the courage to take their newborns anywhere.  What with the pooping and crying and feeding that constantly needs get be done - its enough to make anyone want to lock themselves indoors and never leave.  This is where grandmothers come in.  I never would have left the house today without the help of grandma Susie.  We bundled Ilya up, packed the enormous diaper bag, and set off for downtown.  We got to have lunch with dad and did some shopping at Pike Place Market.  Ilya woke up and needed to be changed and fed, but she was such an angel.  She hardly fussed and was so fascinated  by everything going on around her.  She definitely likes it better when I hold her than riding in the stroller.  I guess I’ll just get used to scouting out places that I go for good nursing benches and flat surfaces for changing.  Maybe I won’t have to live my life secluded inside my home.

6 hours in a row!

The sweetest angel on the face of this earth just let mommy sleep 6 hours in a row without waking her up.  I think she was trying to make-up for the previous night.  When she started stirring around 6am, I was shocked.  I worried that she hadn’t eaten, been changed, burped…but she was just in the happiest mood.  Stretching and smiling.  It is not possible for me to be more in love.

Yesterday, we pretty much sat around the house and did a whole lot of nothing except feeding.  Ilya ate every hour at least.  Its wonderful that I have this time to devote to my baby.  In a way, its kinda relaxing.   She’s sleeping right now, which means that I have not one, but two hands to type with!!!  Our list of things to do is growing exponentially, but I think that we’ll get it done eventually.